When it comes to social and professional situations, good manners are golden.

Eye contact, pronouncing names correctly, and proper protocol while eating in public, for example, are crucial in creating a positive image in other/s minds.

Having good manners makes people feel more confident about themselves, and that self-confidence bodes especially well in cases of intense scrutiny, such as during a job interview.

"You really only have about seven seconds to make an impression," said Pamela Hillings, an expert in the field of corporate and social etiquette. "(Manners) can get you a job. They can get you a date."

Hillings will share her expertise on manners with the Santa Maria community during the 25th anniversary celebration luncheon of the Friends of the Santa Maria Public Library on Saturday. A few tickets were still available Wednesday night, but were expected to be sold out.

An author, consultant and speaker, and often referred to as the "Miss Manners of the Internet," Hillings has been featured on television and radio, and in print media. Her clients during the past 20 years include Bank of America, Universal Studios, Direct TV, America Online and more.

A resident of San Marino, Hillings is also the official Royal Court Protocol Consultant to the Tournament of Roses Queen and Court in Pasadena.

She emphasized the importance of manners in all walks of life 77 for those living in big cities, at the beach, on ranches, and even smaller rural towns.

"(Good) manners are 24 hours a day and they need to be consistent," Hillings said.

And they ought to be taught at home.

"People have to be a role model for their children," she said.

Hillings became interested in proper etiquette in part because of her childhood and her mother, Phyllis.

In 1951, Phyllis Hillings became the youngest congressional wife in the nation, when her husband (Pamela/s father), Patrick Hillings, was elected as a congressman from Southern California.

The life of a congressman/s wife meant learning the rituals of reception at both the White House and at the homes of cabinet members and embassies in Washington, D.C., and abroad.

A wealth of knowledge on her field of work, Hillings offered a few helpful etiquette "do/s" and "don/ts."

First, the Do/s.

When someone calls you, it is important to return the call within 24 hours.

When someone gives you a gift, it is customary to write a thank-you note.

"People remember if they don/t receive a note," Hillings said, stressing the importance of the gesture. "But no one does it."

Sometimes, she said, people write thank-you notes but forget to send them. Then, when they find the note later, they think it is too late to mail it.

"I don/t think it/s ever too late," she added. "Just send it."

When attending a social gathering or dinner party, it is polite to bring a gift to the host. The gift doesn/t have to be big, or expensive, and could even be something handmade, such as jam.

"It/s nice to walk in with something," Hillings said.

During dinner, wait for the host to sit down at the table before starting to eat, and after dinner, offer to help with the dishes.

The host will likely decline, but it is good manners to ask anyhow.

Here are the Don/ts.

Any sort of personal grooming at a restaurant table is not OK, and should be done in the privacy of the restaurant bathroom, for example.

That includes using a toothpick to dislodge pesky food particles, women applying lipstick, and blowing your nose 77 especially in the restaurant/s cloth napkin.

Sometimes people aren/t able to leave the table when they need to blow their nose. In this case, it is best to turn away from the table and the food and then blow 77 in a tissue or handkerchief.

When invited to an event or gathering, it isn/t polite to bring an uninvited guest.

A common mistake, according to Hillings, is taking a sip from your drink after someone else has given a toast to you.

"You never drink a toast to yourself," she said.

Another common mistake 77 bringing a wedding gift to a reception regardless of where the reception is held.

It is only appropriate, according to Hillings, to bring a gift to a reception when it is held at the home of the bride or groom, as the couple won/t have to worry about who will transport the gifts from the reception location.

A more recent etiquette entry77 cell phones.

"Cell phone usage is a problem," Hillings said, noting it is proper cell phone etiquette to make sure and turn off the phone when in such places as the movies and church.

Learning proper etiquette isn/t difficult, and it doesn/t take a lot of time.

Before such occasions as a job interview, or formal dinner, reading about etiquette in books or online, can make a difference.

"You really need to do your homework," Hillings said.

Hillings has a bachelor/s degree in communications and is a graduate of the University of Southern California School of Business Management Effectiveness Program.

For more information about the Friends of the Library, call Gloria Hoeft at 937-6320.

* Staff Writer Britt Fairchild can be reached at 739-2220 or by e-mail at bfairchild@pulitzer .net.

Feb. 3, 2005