Posted: Thursday, April 7, 2005 12:00 am
Dr. Holli Stewart/Ask Holli
I read the Santa Maria Times article on domestic violence and am so glad to see people are finally beginning to realize the impact it has on our society, community and adults.
Becky Nguyen, a social worker at my office, has responded to an area that is often ignored. That is the impact of witnessing domestic violence on children. In fact, she is starting a therapeutic group for children in first through fifth grades.
Domestic violence is a topic that comes up frequently, especially when it results in severe injury or death, as it has recently in this area.
Most often there have been numerous incidents before it reaches a lethal stage. There are anger-management classes available for the aggressor and for the survivor; there are safe houses, domestic abuse groups and individual counseling.
However, the whole family is affected by parental conflict, including children.
It is estimated that more than 3.3 million children are exposed to domestic violence each year. These children have been shown to be at risk for a variety of problems including behavioral, emotional and cognitive functioning. These can include:
n Significant anxiety and/or depressive symptoms
n Difficulty concentrating
n Regressive behaviors (bed-wetting, need to cling to adult or sibling
n Low self-esteem, low self-confidence
n Increased fear of or hyper-vigilence to their environment
n Nightmares
n Avoidance of friends and social activities or increased desire to be alone
n Vulnerability to violent victimization themselves
n Using drugs (including alcohol) to escape or dull the pain
These and other symptoms appear to be similar to what is experienced by victims of child abuse, because the emotional responses of intense fear, helplessness or terror are similar.
Because of the children/s awareness of the actual or threatened serious injury or death (to themselves or to the ones who takes care of and loves them), they can be seriously traumatized.
They may feel that their life is turned upside down and have an inability to trust that anything or anywhere is
REALLY safe. They may also believe that they are the only ones who have ever been in a violent situation and must face it alone.
A drop in grades or an increase in acting-out behaviors at school is common, as well as a tendency to isolate from peers and activities.
It is often believed by adults that if children do not actually see the hitting, shoving, hair-pulling, kicking, etc., being done to their parent, that they are spared the problems of the witnesses, but this is usually not true.
It is enough to see the results, whether it is a parent sporting new bruises or broken or suddenly missing furniture, for kids to know that something has happened and to worry about it, leading to more anxiety as the abuse continues.
Often they learn that angry feelings are to be vented by striking out at others or that these feelings are fearful and to be avoided and denied.
Anger is an emotion, neither good nor bad. It is what we have learned to do when we feel angry that determines whether we strike out at others, stifle and deny the anger or seek a healthier way of handling the situation.
Counseling offers alternatives to harmful reactions to anger that work for children and families.
There are other ways one can choose to get rid of angry energy, and children can be taught to use them, by the modeling of the other adults around them: role playing, problem-solving and increasing their vocabulary to talk about their feelings.
Young children seem to believe that the world revolves around them. Because of this egocentric belief system, they often take on the blame for things that, in reality, they have no control over. This includes parents/ fighting or arguing.
Children need reassurances that the consequence of fighting is an "adult" matter and that they are not involved, even when the argument starts out over something that they have done.
Therapeutic treatment can significantly reduce the effects of this trauma, as well as help families to manage conflict.
In small groups, focused on the needs of these witnesses of domestic violence, children can feel free to learn about the angry feelings and choose alternatives to hitting or avoiding.
They need to learn that it/s appropriate to explore and express even strong feelings in safe ways.
Children can process their experiences without guilt and reduce their anxiety in appropriate ways. They can learn how to be safe, how to use words to express their many feelings, that they are not alone in their experiences, and that they can have fun doing it. Children usually enjoy the group experience and learn from both the information and their fellow group members.
Child Witnesses of Domestic Violence groups target children from first through fifth grades. For information on these weekly groups, please call Becky Nguyen, ASW, an associate of Dr. Holli Stewart, PhD, at Associates in Counseling, 925-0898.
* Dr. Holli Stewart is a licensed therapist and the executive director of a group practice, Associates in Counseling and Psychotherapy. Her column runs every other week in the Times. You may send your questions to her at 937 E. Main St., Suite 205-B, Santa Maria, CA 93455, or call 925-0898. Her e-mail address is DrHolli Stewart@aol.com.
April 7, 2005