"10,000 BC” is a low-voltage fantasy that offers an amazingly goofy and convoluted plot along with massive amounts of uninspired CGI effects. Director and co-writer Roland Emmerich attempts to put a wickedly solemn and serious spin on what is in fact absolutely soulless and predictable material.

The story, such as it is, centers on a warrior D’Leh (Steven Strait), who with perfectly coiffed dreadlocks and sparkling bleached teeth leads his prehistoric clan, across deserts, snow-capped mountains and rainforests in order to save his tribe from extinction and rescue his true love Evolet (Camilia Belle), who has been kidnapped by evil slave-traders.

Dealing with the nasty elements of the inexplicably changing terrain and fighting off mammoths, prehistoric birds (sort of like turkeys on steroids) and befriending a gigantic saber-toothed tiger keeps D’Leh pretty busy for the excessive two-hour length of the film. Of course, the conclusion includes D’Leh fighting for the honor of his people, reuniting with Evolet and defeating and army of bad guys.

The acting in the film is unremarkable, but then again this isn’t a movie that anyone will go see for the sterling performances. Strange costume choices and Evolet’s runny eyeliner are almost as distracting as the perfectly trimmed beards on all the men.

While not bloody or particularly violent, this mind-numbing fare won’t likely hold the interest of younger viewers (the audience it’s clearly aimed for) and will have adults likely watching their watches and the exit door. Along with the less-than-spectacular visual effects and impossibly silly storyline, don’t expect this pseudo-epic to enjoy a long run at the box office.

(1 star out of 4.)

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