Twenty-one years after Lori Macagni lost her premature son, Travis, shortly after birth, she's found healing by forming a local chapter of a self-help organization for bereaved families.

The idea of creating a Central Coast chapter of The Compassionate Friends, which is an international non-sectarian group, came to Macagni after meeting Marjorie Schwartz and Lia Chait.

Like Macagni, the woman have both lost children. They met at the dedication ceremony for the Angel of Hope memorial at the Santa Maria's Cemetery's extension in December.

“I have met so many parents through the Angel memorial who were trying to cope with losing their children and couldn't find the help they needed,” Macagni said. “I knew this (group) will fill a need.”

The Compassionate Friends meet every third Thursday of the month at the Church of Christ in Santa Maria.

Chait, who lost her daughter 19 years ago, said the meetings are open to everyone who has lost a child, grandchild, sibling or other loved one.

Macagni noted the group is also open to women who have miscarried.

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“You're meeting with people who are in the same boat,” Chait said. “They can feel free to cry, speak or not say anything without restrictions.”

Chait has been involved with the organization for about 19 years. She said she started meeting with the Santa Monica-Brentwood chapter after her daughter died. She continued with the organization, helping other parents when it became easier for her.

“I kept going to help others when I felt better,” she said.

For the past five months, Chait and Schwartz have been helping Macagni and other group members get the local chapter organized.

The group held its first meeting last month, where 20 parents showed up and shared their stories about their children with one another, Macagni said.

“Many people spoke to me afterward,” she said, “and told me how much just speaking about their feelings with others that had experienced the same loss had helped them.”

Schwartz, who lost her son in July, said the topic of death is not something people want to talk about and would like to forget and move on.

“When it's someone close to you, you don't forget easily,” she said. “Hopefully, these meetings give them a place to know people who are feeling the same thing.”

Macagni said she wants the meetings to provide hope to bereaved families during their path to healing.

“You never get over it,” she said. “You learn how to live with it.”

Kimberlina Rocha can be reached at 739-2216 or krocha@santamariatimes.com.

February 20, 2007